First Impressions
by Ephemeral Lunatic
Summary: Episode tag for 6x02. Let's pretend this happened before Castle wakes up from his dream. One-shot.


The relief she felt once his eyes had finally started to flutter for the first time since he'd collapsed from the toxin was indescribable. For hours she'd sat by his side in the hospital, waiting for any sign of him coming back to her. But for hours he remained so still, his only movements the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest as his lungs filled and released with signs of life.

Alive.

He was _alive_.

They'd beaten the odds in the nick of time once again.

He had been so lifeless in the ambulance, a sickly pallor consuming him that made her heart lurch in her chest, her guts twist. She'd nearly lost him. They'd faced down death's door many a time together, some of those times coming just as close to this one, but never had she been so terrified, so completely wrecked, than she had today in the back of that ambulance, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, holding his hand and simultaneously brushing her fingers through his hair as she whispered her love and pleaded with him to just hold on a little bit longer.

This time they had so very much to lose.

As it was, they'd spent nearly the entirety of their engagement thus far in separate cities. They'd never have a wedding, or years of marriage spent dealing with the issues ahead of them and figuring it all out, and being so hopelessly, madly in love with each other.

And a family. They'd have lost the shot at starting a family of their own together.

They hadn't talked about it yet. Not really. He mentioned wanting to have the option last year, and she may have mused with the idea of having kids with Richard Castle at some points along the road of their bumpy relationship, especially after Ryan and Jenny broke the news that they were expecting.

But as he lay there, silent, motionless, still fighting for his life, the image of a blue-eyed, brown-haired little boy bearing his father's striking, handsome resemblance materialized in her mind's eye. The possibility of his existence or, a more horrifying thought, the possibility of him never having the chance to exist at all...it terrified her.

If she'd lost him—Castle—if he had gone too soon, her entire life would be irrevocably changed. She'd never recover from a loss like that. The loss of him, the loss of their future. Their lives together.

Never.

But he was alive, and her future, _their _future…they still had a chance.

"It will take some time for his body to recover after the antidote is administered."

Dr. Goldberg had met them at the hospital. With the assistance of the attending physician and his staff, they'd stabilized Castle and moved him to a quiet room in the Critical Care Unit. He'd never lost his pulse, was breathing entirely on his own, and the only machines hooked up to him were an IV line to help flush out his system, and another to give him regular maintenance doses of the antidote and pain relievers over the course of the next twelve hours.

"How long?" she'd asked. "When will he wake up?"

"Could be hours. Possibly days, given the progression of the toxin on his system."

"Will there," she paused, having to take a moment, just a small moment, before expressing the concerns on her mind. "Side-effects. Will there be any side-effects because of the toxin?"

The kind doctor gave her a sympathetic look.

"As I'm sure you're already suspecting, the antidote isn't a magic cure."

Kate gave a nod of her head, confirming.

"Your fiancé may endure some lingering side-effects of both the toxin and the antidote, yes."

Her jaw tensed and Kate glanced at her sleeping fiancé. He looked so peaceful now. The color was returning to his skin, slowly but steadily, and that had given her hope, kept her positive even when her mind wanted to betray her into thinking about the worst-case scenarios.

But deep down, she knew he wasn't out of the woods yet. Of course there'd be side-effects and a healing process. You don't suffer through exposure to a toxin that almost kills you and jump right back immediately. There could be short-term complications, long-term complications. At this stage, they had no way of knowing for sure.

"Mr. Castle may wake up lethargic and weak, and remain so for several days. He'll still be dealing with shortness of breath and likely some problems with his equilibrium while his lungs and muscles heal from the damage of the toxin. It's also not uncommon for patients to experience some degree of confusion upon waking due to the presence of the antidote coursing through their bloodstream."

Kate nodded, somberly, her eyes never leaving her fiancé, still deep in slumber.

"But he'll wake up." It was more statement than question. She couldn't let herself believe in any alternatives.

"Just give him some time, Agent Beckett. Talk to him, keep him company, and let the medicine do its job."

And so she waited.

She called Martha and Alexis from Castle's CCU room after the Walter Reed doctor had left, and then she kept vigil, waiting for their arrival, and waiting for Castle to wake up. She wasn't sure which event would occur first, but she hoped and prayed to whatever deity might listen that it would be the latter, and soon.

She hadn't seen McCord since she'd left the Defense Secretary's home, but her new partner assured her that she'd take care of the rest. "Just focus on that fiancé of yours, Beckett. We've got it with Parker from here."

Kate thought it strange how, once upon a time, perhaps even just a year or two ago, she would have preferred to drown herself in her work, letting the job provide her with a distraction from everything going on in her life, or wanting to be the one to actually do the job herself, just so that she'd know that everything was done right, and that the victims would be honored and the murderers brought to justice.

But now, there was no place else she'd rather be than here by Castle's side, holding his hand and supporting him through his recovery.

Her _fiancé_.

And finally, after what felt like an eternity of agonizing waiting, he was waking up. He was coming back to her.

"Hey," she called softly, her voice low and tender. Castle's eyes fluttered again, just a hint of blue peeking out from beneath his lashes before his eyelids closed right back up again. He grunted, not out of pain, she didn't think, but perhaps just uncomfortable with the bright lights in the room or the lack of space in the bed. It was awful small for his tall, muscular frame.

"Castle," she called again, prompting his eyes to flutter once more in response to her voice. "Are you awake? Can you hear me?"

He drawled out a rough, guttural sound before his eyelids slowly lifted open and the ocean of his blue eyes blinked up at her. It took a few seconds before she could see the focus in them, however fleeting it was. He was so exhausted.

"Hey. There you are," she murmured, shifting a hand to brush back the hair flopping over onto his forehead.

Castle worked his jaw, his lips smacking audibly, probably trying to encourage some moisture back into his dry mouth. Side-effect of the medication, his fiancée could only presume.

"What," he started, then paused, a wondering look on his face. He squinted in the brightness of the fluorescent light, tried to get a feel of his surroundings.

"What happened? Where 'm I?" he slurred.

"We're at the hospital. You collapsed outside the Reed estate when we went to go catch Parker," Kate told him softly, running her fingers through his hair.

"Park...er?"

"Yeah. He tried to kill Mrs. Reed but we got there just in time. Saved her life."

"Kill Mrs...? I don't-"

"Shhh. It's okay. You don't have to worry about anything, alright? It's over, we've got the antidote for the toxin and you're gonna get better now. That's all that matters."

"T-toxin?" Castle tensed up, looking at her with a mix of excited curiosity and horror both. "I was _poisoned_?"

"You don't remember?"

"No...no, it's fuzzy. Stuff's fuzzy." He paused, then started to grin. "Whooooa. I got _poisoned_."

'_Not uncommon for patients to experience some degree of confusion upon waking,' _Kate reiterated in her head. Normal. This was- _He _was going to be fine. Just a little confused, forgetful. The antidote was doing its job, that's all.

"Yeah. Got yourself into trouble. _As usual_." She punctuated the words with a flick to his ear, her playful tone of voice belying the anxiety coursing through her.

"Trouble? Noooo. Not me. I'm a good guy." He laughed.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Sure you are. You know, one of these days, Castle, you're going to have to start doing what I ask you to. It's not like it was before. You can't sneak information and go rogue on my cases and expect me to get you out of everything. It's too dangerous. You could've been killed."

"Sneak...danger..?" he asked blearily. "Oh. So you're not my doctor?"

Kate felt her heart stop, a heavy knot in her chest before it then rapidly kicked back into gear.

"Okay, Castle, that's not funny. Knock it off."

Sensing her seriousness, he seemed to feel guilty for having asked the question.

"I'm sorry, I just...I don't...I can't remember."

Oh god. He really couldn't remember? Not just the toxin, but anything?

But she didn't even get the chance to take that in, to worry about any possible neurological damage because the guilt he was feeling quickly gave way to more excitement as his curiosity over the situation only magnified.

"Wait. Are you a secret agent?" he asked, his eyes going wide. He looked her up and down and then, "Oh man. Am_ I_?"

Reaching down between them, Kate maintained an aura of calm that she totally was not feeling and grabbed the device attached to his bed. She hit the call button. Maybe it would be best if they had a doctor come check him out, just to be on the safe side.

"No," she told him then. "You're not a secret agent, and neither am I. You're a novelist. You write books."

Books I love, she thought to herself.

He seemed genuinely disappointed at the news though.

"Aw. That's so boring."

"You really don't remember?"

"No...I- My head hurts. Why's my head hurt? And blurry. Stuff's so blurry."

"The doctors will be here in a minute to check on you." Instinctively, she reached for his hand and took it within her own, stroking her thumb over the ridge of his knuckles. She couldn't be sure if the gesture was meant to settle him, or her own racing heart. Maybe it was both.

"Just lie back and rest. Try not to think too much. Everything will start making sense soon."

* * *

When the doctors finally came, they didn't stay long. After a quick exam and short line of questioning that Castle seemed to find far too amusing, the two of them were alone in the room again. It was still early, Dr. Goldberg said, but he suspected it would only be a fleeting thing. With all the drugs currently running through Castle's system to counteract the effects of the toxin, it was perfectly normal for him to be acting loopy. Having only complained of a headache, they were going to cut back on the morphine drip and see how he handled it the next few hours. But he'd probably drop off again soon and sleep the memory lapses off. _'You have nothing to worry about.'_

Easier said than done, Doc.

"You're pretty."

Castle's voice caught her off-guard and she jerked her head up to meet his eyes. Still focused, but glassy. Tired. He really was a mess.

"You're so pretty," he went on. "If I have a girlfriend, I hope she's pretty like you."

Kate found herself blushing, unable to contain the smile and pink hue blossoming across her cheeks.

"Do I- "

"Actually, believe it or not…" She took his hand again, and scooted her chair closer to the side of the bed. "I'm your fiancée."

"My...fiancée?" He blinked. "You're _my _fiancée?"

Kate nodded, and Castle started beaming.

"Oh _maaaan_. No way. We're gonna get married? Us? When?"

She couldn't help but laugh. God, he was so adorable and sweet. And hers. He was all hers.

"Well, we're still planning everything right now. But yes, Castle. Yeah. We're getting married."

"Wow. Oh wow. My wife. You're gonna be my wife."

There was no denying the awe on his face or in his voice. The sense of wonder. She wanted to cry. Her dopey, drugged up fiancé. He was seeing her for the first time again and he was still enamored by her. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever experienced. Kate held tight to his hand, had to dab at the moisture building in her eyes with her free one.

And then he seemed to ponder over everything for a moment before being struck with a new thought as though it'd hit him like lightning.

"Do we have babies?"

Jolted by the question, all Kate could do was stare at him, mouth agape.

Off her startled look, Castle said, "I said something stupid didn't I?"

It took her a few seconds to get her mouth working again.

"No. No, not stupid. Just..." She took a deep breath, let it out slowly. It was okay. This was okay. She could answer this for him. For them. "No babies, Castle. Not yet."

"Aw," he slurred out. He was getting drowsy again, his eyelids turning heavy. It took longer to reopen them every time he blinked. "We should have babies. We'd make really pretty babies, you and I."

"Yeah," she smiled, running a hand through his hair, her fingers curving down and around the shell of his ear before coming to rest at the soft skin of his ear lobe. "I'm sure we will."

"Can we…? I really...want them," Castle murmured, mid-yawns. She could tell that he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. Sleep was reeling him back in fast.

"How about we practice first, huh?" she said, lifting out of her chair to get close enough, nudge her nose to his cheek. Her ministrations at his earlobe were drugging, pulling him down deeper and deeper.

"Mmm...yeah. Practice. Gotta practice, get everything right."

Kate chuckled to herself against his cheek. Oh, they knew how to get everything right. That part wouldn't be an issue for them at all.

"See, this is why I'm marrying you. You're so smart." Groggily, he lifted a hand to draw two curled fingers down and across her cheek. Kate found her eyes closing to the touch, and she covered his hand with her own, holding it in place. The weight of it was heavy. He could hardly hold it up anymore.

"And pretty," he drawled on, smiling with his eyes shut. "So lucky...I got so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one, Castle," she murmured, and she couldn't resist. She pressed her smile into his.

It was soft and a bit messy, the kiss they shared, Castle too weak and sleepy to reciprocate properly, but it was so good. Kissing him was always good, but something about him like this just made it even better. Exposed and vulnerable, his heart totally on his sleeve.

"I love you, Kate," he sighed.

_Kate_.

Circling a slow eskimo kiss to his nose with her own, she dropped one last kiss to his forehead and smiled down at her future husband. He was doped up, confused and sleepy as hell, but he was still in there. He'd make it back to her.

"I know, babe. I love you, too."

* * *

_This is based on a prompt from a dear friend and inspired by a viral video from last year titled "Seeing her for the first time again." It's been in my WIP folder since October, but the season finale gave me the inspiration to finish it. I hope you enjoy it._


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